lily_everhart: (Default)
This is a rare personal post that is going to remain public because I just realized that I just friended a bunch of people and now I'm going to be disappearing for four days. I'm going on a mini vacation to San Diego which I'm excited about because 1) warm weather, 2) I get to see some family I haven't seen in about six years and 3) I've never been to San Diego.

This past couple weeks have been tough. My Grandma passed away December 29 and her funeral was this Tuesday. It happened very fast. The Tuesday before she died the doctors said she would be going home that Friday. Wednesday afternoon she suddenly took a turn for the worst. We were driving home from visiting my in-laws and were six hours away when we got a call saying to hurry home that it looked bad. By the time we got there they had induced sleep to perform a CT scan. That night she progressed worse and my Dad and his siblings had to make the choice to pull the plug on her life support or not. We ended up choosing to pull the plug because everything in her body was shutting down.

So I didn't get to see her awake but I did speak with her on Tuesday. I think maybe I should have known it was worse than I thought it was because for the first time she admitted to me that she was in pain. We only spoke for a few minutes and it was a terse conversation but she was in a lot of pain.

A lot of things in my life are going to change. I did a lot of things with her. We went to the theater, to concerts, out to eat, shopping, and all sorts of things. I visited her often, although not as often as I would like. It's a weird feeling because I know we did a lot together and yet I still think I could have done more with her. I don't really feel guilty so much as just sad we didn't get to spend as much time as we usually do together. She was fun to talk to. I'll miss her greatly. I'm at a much better place these last couple of days since the funeral.

It didn't help that during the funeral I was sick and have only now just recovered from the cold I had. I'm kind of ready for this trip to San Diego but there is also a part of me that just wants to stay home. I have school in two weeks and I feel so unrested for it.
lily_everhart: (pluto2)
So I've decided that I'm taking a two month vacation from Tumblr. I was getting way too irritated with the website and clearly needed a break. It was also starting to feel like an addiction and I felt it was taking away my motivation/discipline to do other things besides scroll through Tumblr. I want to also revamp my Tumblr and have for some time. I want to make my tumblr focus more on my writing, so instead of Tumblr being a blog where I just reblog random things I want to make it into a blog where I will post links to my fic/original stories and maybe meta/thoughts on what I'm currently watching and enjoying on TV or reading. I feel like my blog on tumblr lacks direction and focus and I'd like to change that.

I'm going back to school, taking some summer classes from mid-May to the end of June. I'm pretty excited to start school back up and have a schedule again. But I know the classes I'm taking will require my undivided attention. One is an online class and the other I meet MTWRF from 11:00-1:50pm in a classroom.

Not to mention that I have writing projects to work on and I can't be distracted by Tumblr. I'm trying to get a story set up for Wattpad/fictionpress. Links will be posted here as well as my Tumblr when I go back on. I have the first series of stories planned out. They will range from short story to novella length. My initial estimates of a May or June release aren't going to happen. Likely won't start posting the story until July when I have enough of a buffer ahead of chapter releases to make up for any times where I will inevitably have to focus on something other than writing. Also since I'm writing two stories at the same time it just makes sense for me to be able to be ahead of the game.

Also working with Serenity, my horse, on a regular basis trying to get get her ready for fall. I plan to do some fun shows with her and some clinics. I'm trying to get out to visit her at least MWF. So far things have been slow going and I expect since I won't be in town next week that I'll have to start things over. She's a nervous horse and so I have to be careful and prevent her from being overwhelmed by the things we are doing. She's is dead set against change but I want her to be comfortable with it.

I'm also working on our landscaping/garden. It's in terrible condition and its really bothering me. I plan to do most of it myself since my husband is completely uninterested. Basically taking out one bed at a time, removing all the weeds and plants that I don't want, mulching, planting any new plants, and redoing the bricks around the edge of our landscaping which are sinking into the ground. For now everything in the backyard will be pulled out and I'll mulch it but not plant anything. I also want to fix our fences and our porch and get everything nailed back in properly and maybe even powerhouse/paint the porch again.

Also my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. We are going to go visit them all of next week. It's a really shocking thing to find out. She is an incredibly healthy person. We don't know the stage yet but it's looking like stage 3. I lost my grandma a few years ago to lung cancer and so I'm familiar with this brand of hell. So obviously over everything else I'll be focusing on my husband's family. It doesn't feel real yet. I'll update what her prognosis is when we get the test results back. My husband is doing okay but I think he'll have a different reaction when he sees her Sunday.

I will try to stay active on here since it's unfortunately very easy to spend only 30 minutes on this site a day since activity is slow. But don't expect much except for updates on what I'm doing for awhile.
lily_everhart: (pluto2)
Been gone for awhile, but I've been very busy. I've been interviewing for jobs and getting ready to go back to school.

I can't sleep right now, I've had sleep paralysis two days in a row. Luckily, my sleep paralysis is fairly mild in that I don't get the hallucinations that can accompany them. I just wake up and can't move my body or open my eyes. In some ways it's better than the Night terrors I used to get. I haven't had one of those in awhile but I might, since those usually happen if I have sleep paralysis too often. I've had it so often I've learned to just focus on a finger or toe and try to move that way. I can even calm myself down that I'll float between sleep and wakefulness. The thing I hate about it is that it feels like it lasts forever although it only lasts a few minutes. I'm never fully rested when I get up and I'm often cranky. So I'm trying to get to a certain level of sleepiness at the moment to get myself ready for sleep.

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